Hey papa bear.

My parents are both the kind of people that happen to hate the furry fandom, and I am and have been a furry since before I even knew what a furry was, let alone about the fandom.

Every time they find anything even remotely furry related, renamon wallpapers, pokemon wallpapers, what have you, they force me to delete them… I can’t even have furry rave videos, and those make me happy to watch… To put it slightly more into perspective, I’m not even allowed on deviantart due to the name, nor furaffinity… Even all of my fellow furry/non furry friends find this strange.

To make things worse, I’m 20, but sadly still living with my parents durring college… Yes they are paying for my college degree, sadly even with my two jobs, I don’t make enough to do much even though I’m going to a community college, and sadly no I do not plan, nor can I move out any time in the near future.

What should/could I possibly do, if anything?? Do you have any tips that I could possibly try to make my situation less like walking on egg shells with the things I like??

–mmd123

* * *

Hi, mmd123,

What you describe is a typical parent/progeny problem. The parents may be well-meaning in their desire to keep you away from furries and other anthropomorphic entertainment, but what they are doing is denying you your free will. The problem here, of course, is that they are paying for your college, your shelter, and some food, I imagine, although you are definitely contributing by working two jobs.

Legally speaking, you are 20 years old and they have no legal right to prevent anything you do, what you read, what websites you surf, etc., as long as it is legal. That straight and logical fact does not resolve the emotional side of it, of course. These people are your parents, and you have an inborn urge to please them and be the good son, no doubt. So, the facts, as I understand them are this: 1) you like furries and being a furry and want to pursue that interest; 2) your parents won’t let you; 3) your parents currently control your financial well being and your ability to get an education.

I’m not sure how they force you to not look at furry stuff. Do they threaten you? Do they cut off your Internet connection? Do they forbid you to go to cons, etc.? Let’s assume it’s all of the above. Let’s also assume you have tried to calm their fears and counter their arguments to no avail.

I’m not going to tell you to move out of your parents’ house. Given you’re trying to finish school, and given the crappy economy, this is not a serviceable solution. I’m also not going to tell you to give up being furry. If you are a TRUE furry, and not just a poser (as some are) then you can’t stop being a furry any more than a gay person can stop being gay. So, the third, rather unpleasant option, is to go underground with being furry. You will have to bide your time until your situation improves and you can support yourself, and then at that point you can tell your parents that you are still a furry, and if they don’t like it, that might make you sad, but you can’t change who you are.

I’m sorry you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place, and I wish I had a better strategy for you, but, unfortunately, circumstances don’t always allow us to be who we are completely. I’m not saying hide being furry from your parents forever. I’m saying now is an inopportune time, and you need to wait until you are in a position where you are free of financial ties. To that end, at this point in your life it is important for you to focus on school and getting a good job; put furry in the background for now.

When it comes time when you can talk to them eye to eye, be kind. Tell them you realize that they were trying to protect you, and you appreciate that, but being furry is something you are, and they will just have to accept it.

Good luck!

Papabear

Disclaimer
Opinions and advice expressed in the “Ask Papabear” column are not necessarily those of the Furry News Network, its staff, sponsors, or advertisers. Papabear is not a trained therapist, physician, or social worker, and the author of “Ask Papabear” will refer readers to licensed professionals in cases where such recommendations seem in order.

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Grubbs Grizzly wrote 17 articles on this blog.

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